This week held a few suprises for me. It really began with last weekend, and what an awful weekend it was. I like to blame the full moon for the heightened emotions and sensitivity I felt all weekend, because work was just dreadful.
Side note: If you work in food service (or with people in general), pay attention to the moon cycles. If its a full moon, you'll start to recognize the craziness immediately, because the craziness is everywhere. The moon just draws in out of people... in my case, I had two panic attacks at work in two days, and I felt like a mental wreck by Sunday night when I clocked out.
All of the weekend stress culminated with a Monday class paper turned in by the skin of my teeth, a missed class now that I was late after writing a paper all morning, and a tearful ride in the car on my way to an internship meeting in the afternoon. It took me a while but I came to the great realization that what I was really crying for was not so much the stress of my food service job, but I was crying because I just wanted to be ready...
Ready to go be an artist! To finally start a teaching career, to get out into the world and start doing what I love to do, and be happy doing it.
But we all know it doesn't work that way without time and effort. I was moping around for most of Monday, still wallowing in my exhaustion and my sensitive feelings, but I began to feel better once Tuesday hit.
With the weekend behind me, and Tuesday being my "Art Day Off Day" (as I so chant to myself to keep me motivated) I was hoping to make some progress on my dreakwork to help lift my mood up. My assistant Emily came over in the morning to help me cut out the pattern for a cloak that I will use in one of my photographs soon. It was more helpful than I thought having her over just to help me cut fabric. I've made costumes and sewn before, but its been a while. Emily makes costumes on the regular though, because she loooooves Dragoncon and the like, so she made quick work of knocking this pattern out. But I had a moment of "bossgirl" growth that day (I use that term because all of my entrepreneur/business podcasts refer to us working women that way): we didn't have time to start sewing the cloak, so Emily offered to take it home to finish herself. It made my mind glitch for a moment, because I'm not the kind of artist that allows anyone to have influence over my final product. Even having Emily pull the trigger on my camera for my images took courage from me. I'm usually a Do-It-Your-Damn-Self kind of person, but when she offered to finish sewing the cloak for me in her own time, I jumped at the opportunity, and just asked for timelapse videos so we could document the work that went into it. I knew I was still stressed out, and an offer of help sounded like a lifesaver. The real lesson that came out of this was learning to let go sometimes. Handing a task off to an assistant felt so great afterward! I'm such a stubborn control freak when it comes to my work, but it felt nice to trust someone with my ideas and know she will take care of them, because she just gets me. That's the other key part of that working relationship, your assistant (in this case also my friend) has to get you, has to jive, or it just won't work. So, lesson learned: Get an assistant if you need one, but get the right one. It took me some time, but I think things are finally working out, and it has helped free up my hands to get more work done. But most importantly, don't be afraid to let others help you, especially if they are offering on their own. It's okay to let go of the load sometimes.
Wednesday was a day for field trips in class, and we visited Atlanta Contemprary gallery and Poem 88 gallery. We were there for an assignment of course, but since I've been spending my own time at a gallery internship for the past few months, I've become much more interested in learning about my local art gallery scene and taking notes on the galleries themselves. Atlanta Contemporary was quite large, and Poem 88 was incredibly small. Two complete opposite points on the gallery spectrum. Of course the work on exhibition was very different between the two as well. I've noticed one recent change in my behavior when it comes to visiting galleries. I used to walk in, and if I wasn't interested in the work, I would disconnect. That's what most people do in an art gallery if they aren't feeling the vibes. But lately I've just been thirsty to go places, just to see new galleries, just to find new venues and art in the city of Atlanta. I'm going through a wave of wanting to explore the city, and its changing the way I enter a gallery. That's because I know now that if I don't connect with one show in particular, there is still an establishment there that could, on an off chance, one day serve as a contact. I'm not just looking at the work in shows anymore. I'm surverying a wide range of resources. In short, the stress of the weekend and the wish to be motivated this week was boosted by a few trips out to see others' work. This goes back to the idea of before, of letting someone take over the work for you. In this case, I'm speaking more of inspiration. You can't always get it from sitting in the corner thinking hard over a blank notebook. Sometimes, we as artists NEED to get out and go see other work, other artists, other galleries, other peoole. We need to expose ourselves to art as much as possible so our own creative juices can continue to flow. Our minds get focused on our own plans and our own work until we get stuck. The next time that happens, go take yourself out to a gallery, doesn't have to be prestigous or fancy, and go look around. Relax. Think freely, think of anything but your OWN work, and fresh ideas will find their way to you naturally. That is enough to keep the creative spirit moving during the weekly slump. By Wednesday night I was at home working on other parts of production for several photos, preparing props and sketching ideas, writing notes to myself. I was feeling organized again, my brain clear. I could actually sit down and think again.
Then came Thursday. It was probably a regular day for everyone else, but it felt like a big day for me.
On Thursday, I completed my last shift as an intern at Whitespace gallery.
It was bittersweet honestly. I can't tell you how happy I am to have Thursdays back to myself for a few weeks before the next quarter starts, but it made me sad to leave.
I started interning for Whitespace back in September 2017. I really just picked this internship up on a whim. I had just come out of a business class with my fancy new artist CV, and I was giving it a test run on some opportunities I had found scouring online. I submitted the documents and didn't expect an email back (I submitted a few months after the post had been made), but to my surprise, I got an email back the next week. I interviewed and coordinated all the paperwork quickly, and the next thing I knew, I was a gallery intern.
If you've never made it out to Whitespace before, add it to your list. This gallery is unexpected, as it is located in the carriage house of an Atlanta Historic home, and the grounds also feature Whitespec, a smaller gallery in the basement of the house, and Ephemera, an extension of Cover Books, an Atlanta based artist book boutique. It's located in Inman Park, just a few blocks from Krog Street Market, so it can easily be a quick stop on a day walk around the area while grabbing lunch.
I spent many an afternoon sitting in the carriage house under the skylights of the slanted roof, learning to build email lists and flipping through sales ledgers, instagramming for social media exposure and directing visitors through/to the galleries, but the longer I was there the more I was able to become involved. Soon I was helping other artists unpack and install for their show, I was photographing the installation of the work for the gallery documentation, and I was preparing the grounds for an art opening. It all came to me in small doses, so I had to compile all of the new experiences slowly over time, but by the time I got to my last week I was feeling very comfortable there, which is why it was so difficult to leave. The best part about Whitespace is Susan Bridges and Emily Sorgenfrei, the gallery owner and gallery assistant. These ladies made me feel welcome, they were friendly, they gave great advice, and they certainly taught me a lot about running a gallery. But what I admired most about them was the way they connected to people. I didn't get to witness any artist meetings or conference calls per se, but just by watching the way these women interact with clients and the artists gave me great insight into the kind of people I want to work with: people who try to handle every day with optimism, who can hold a flexibility between professionalism and friendliness, people who can genuinely connect with artists and their work, and people who can keep a ship running on their own. Whitespace is a small gallery, but Susan and Emily still have a ton to keep up with. I'm sure there are days where they feel so unorganized, when the storage is full and inventory needs to be done, but I want to tell these ladies that they were absolutely amazing, they were great mentors, and I picked up a lot of great networking and socializing skills by watching them work. I encourage everyone to stop in, and if you have the chance, take some time to have a conversation with them. They are wonderful people working at a beautiful, tucked away gallery oasis in the city of Atlanta. Whitespace is great escape.
Here on Friday, I am writing this all out for you so that I can clear my mind for the weeks ahead of me. Next week are my finals, followed by two weeks of break. That break I am now dubbing as my "artist retreat." I have requested extra time off from work, told my husband of my plans to runaway from all my household duties, and I plan to isolate myself with my dream work for two whole weeks with no other distractions. My goal is to get four full photographs shot in that time, which means a lot of prep work on my end. I still have plans to make for all of this to happen, and for that I need a clean slate for a mind. Ending an internship and simultaneously coming up on finals feels like the tipping of the scale, as everything slides off the plate to leave room for new things.
Next quarter I go up for my MFA 45 hour review, and I start my teaching internship, so I obviously still have a lot going on. But at least for the next three weeks I will have some extra time on my hands to tackle these projects and new adventures. I want to go into next quarter with finished work under my belt and a strong presence. At the end of this week, after much reflection on what growth I have made and where I am still growing, I feel ready to push on to the next phase. Spring is here, and brings new beginnings. I'm not necessarily beginning, I'm just continuing, but Spring and a clean slate nonetheless makes it feel like a fresh start.
Until the next time I feel the need to empty my head,
Astin